We all want the perfect dad. We want to do everything right, and be the best at it. I’m sorry to tell you, but that is never going to happen. The following 6 reasons are a part of why this is true.
1. You don’t have enough time for them.
We all have very busy lives, but add children into it and your workload is increased all the more. For a lot of people we are lucky to get everything we need done finished, but for those of us with kids; we have to try much harder to get things done.
Sometimes we will not get everything done, and that is when we may feel guilty. We will think we do not have enough time for our kids, and even feel like we failed them. It is okay to feel this way, it is okay if we don’t get absolutely everything done. It is normal for everyone, every parent.
We may not have enough time for them in our minds, but as long as the kids have been cared for then it is okay. We didn’t fail them, we did all we could. That’s the important part to remember.
2. You will fail at teaching them.
The normal day with children that are growing always includes some kind of teaching them. It doesn’t even matter if you are actively teaching them, or not; they are learning. So why will we fail at teaching them?
First would be because of our natural selves as adults, our behavior. As mentioned they are learning all the time, which includes what we do in front of them. If we curse, they will. If we scream, they will learn too scream. And so on with any behavior we perform in front of them. If we deem that behavior as negative to learn, then we will feel we failed in teaching them.
Secondly we may fail teaching the kids when trying to teach them directly. One example of this is during discipline. We are trying to achieve a desired effect from our corrective action, but instead we may give in and change our original punishment. In this way are teaching the kids that if they act a certain way, we will change our mind. As such we failed to teach them the discipline intended.
We may also feel like we failed at teaching when the child doesn’t pick up on things quick enough; such as spelling, writing, and so on. None of these mean we failed, but we will feel it does. It is normal that we will fail to teach some things, or even some things the wrong way. We don’t know it all, even if we are parents.
3. You get aggravated at them.
Every parent will agree that sometimes we just get aggravated at the kids. Immediately after we do, we feel guilty, as if we failed them. In our minds we shouldn’t feel anything but love and happiness for them, which is true to a point.
To think that we won’t feel any negative feelings (aggravation) towards our children is crazy, but we all do it. However; we are only human. Sometimes we are aggravated, stressed, and upset. The real trick is to not show these feelings where the kids can see.
Kids will act different ways, at different times, and we may get aggravated, but it is okay to do so. It’s a natural reaction to our surroundings. We will feel we failed, that we are terrible parents; that isn’t the case.
4. They will hate you.
It is funny that we can give someone everything, raise them since birth, and then still have them hate us. Difference here is, they are our kids. Which means they DO NOT really hate us. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say how much they hate mommy or daddy. Except after they would go on to say things that showed other wise.
So they say they hate us? I imagine every child does at some point. We will feel like we failed; our child hates us after all. However; they do not hate us, that is what is important to remember. The child is likely having trouble dealing with other issues, things they don’t understand. As a kid they don’t get why we can’t let them do various things, and it results in them saying they hate us.
It also applies to adult or grown children. As adults we still do not have all the answers. So we sometimes will say we hate our parent, because we don’t understand the issue we are having. It’s not all inclusive, some children have the right to hate their parent. I won’t elaborate but we can all imagine which ones they should from what they have done.
In any case, when you hear that, “I hate you!”. Your heart breaks, and you feel you failed so badly. Again it is normal because as they grow, children try and find their own way. So when you exert your authority over them they feel controlled, and everyone hates that. Difference is, we do it for safety…the child will get it in time, but will never hate you as they say.
5. You won’t do everything they need.
I get that as parents, we have a list of things that just have to be done for the kids before the end of the day. Guess what? 90% of the time we will fail getting it all done. Its not that we don’t try, just that there isn’t enough time in any given day.
As a single guy, with no children, I never could get all I wanted done in a single day. So imagine now, with children, so many more responsibilities. As that is, we feel we failed the kids, because we left something out.
Now as that is, even when I wasn’t a single dad, I felt I didn’t do all I could. It was always a checklist at night when I laid down. I couldn’t sleep for awhile, because I had to go through these hundreds of lists in my mind. These lists were all about did I do everything I supposed to do…separated by category. So sleep wasn’t easy, but I had to make sure Ihad done everything everyone needed.
Problem with all of that is; it makes you cranky. You lose sleep, you are many different emotions, all of which are no good. If I thought of something I didn’t do, I’d get up and get it done. And there is the problem.
When we realize we didn’t get it all done, we feel we failed. In our minds we are terrible fathers. It is just not true. People forget things, and something never get done. The fact we care about it so much to try and do it, is enough.
No we aren’t perfect, and we feel guilty about it. But it always comes back to the same thing. If the children are safe (shelter, heat, food, safety), then we did our job as we could. We will forget to do some things, everyone does….everyone!
6. You are not perfect
Number 6 is a accumulation of everything mentioned. We must remember that we are dads, and human. We are not perfect, never will be. So I say we will make mistakes, we will make the worst out of a lot of situations. It’s just what we do.
We are not perfect, we never will be. So all of these things happen, and it is normal. So when I say we will never be perfect dad’s, we will not. It’s impossible because we are not perfect humans. It is, however, okay. Humans aren’t meant to be perfect, and we cannot be.
As a final thought, we will never be perfect dads. Well that is okay as well, because we are human. Every time we feel we failed, we just made mistakes, as all dads will. Remember that, and build yourself up. Failures are, after all, the building blocks of success!
Thanks for reading,